Chapter N.III

Vitaly Ivolginsky

Always Visible (Another Prayer for the Dying Horror Genre)

Zero Act — Que Difícil é Ser Escravo de Deus!

Chapter N.III

The fact was that, as the girl knew, her friend Jordan Thurlow grew up without a father from infancy – his mother was single-handedly raising him. There is no doubt that such a circumstance left an imprint on the spirit of this person. As he often told his little friend, Jo never knew what he wanted from life in general and from people in particular. In addition, he once confessed to her that before they met, he lived alone in their own world, and only when the girl moved with her family from New York to Portland, Jo’s interest in life awakened.

But could this be true, or was Jo keeping something back to the child? How could a little girl in a few days change the life of a man whom she had never seen before her eight years of age? With what efforts did she manage to make this lost man happy? There was nothing unusual about her behavior – she was the most ordinary child, moderately humble and moderately snooty. She just loved the life, enjoyed it and willingly shared her joy with others. As a rule, for all other adults, she didn’t even exist, of course, with the exception of her parents, as well as teachers, who, according to the duty of the profession, were obliged to keep any child in their sight.

So what was it about her that she suddenly captured the soul of this man and, without any exaggeration, turned his life upside down, made him become completely different? The only real reason for this was only the fact that they lived next door, and everything else was just a consequence, like everything related to her fate – just a coincidence. There was no other rational explanation and could not be. It is amazing how little it takes for a soul to turn over in a person in such a short time…

Sitting on the windowsill, the girl looked at the moon without taking her eyes off, not fully realizing that she was so attracted to this night luminary. Slightly straightening her slender shoulders, she threw her head back, causing her mouth to open a little involuntarily, and the moonlight fell on her snow-white teeth that protruded rather forward.

It seemed a bit more, and a little bird would fly out of her childish mouths, which would immediately fall off her thin lips and fly up to the very sky. But, of course, nothing of the kind happened, but the girl’s thoughts took a different direction – Fragments of memories flashed before her inner gaze, merged into a bright and vivid picture. It seemed to her as if she was re-experiencing what she had witnessed recently…

So, one warm day of September, she is sitting in her room and is concentrating on her lessons. Missis Hallahan, her schoolteacher, required her to memorize a verse by tomorrow, but the girl couldn’t handle it, because thoughts that were not related to the classes crowded in her head. The girl turned the pages of the textbook and read line by line, and then forced herself to repeat them from memory, but alas, the words of the verse are immediately forgotten and faded from memory, no matter how hard she tried.

In the midst of this activity she heard the sound of door opening. The girl looked up from her textbook and, without rising from her chair, turned her head back – on the threshold of room stood her mother, dressed in a house dress of red silk, over which was tied a white apron with a fresh soup stain, indicating that she had just left the stove.

“Dearie, go for lunch!”, cheerfully winked at her, mother called.

“But…”, girl blinked in confusion. “I have homework in literature…”

As if fearing that her mother would not believe her, lass took the textbook in her hands and lifted it above her head, hoping that she would be convinced of the correctness of her words. But mommy just smiled to answer.

“Your lessons can wait, and my soup is getting cold!”, she said in the same playful mood.

After that, the woman turned around and went into the dining room. Little girl put the textbook back on the table, and, getting up from the chair, slowly followed her. After walking down the corridor, they went down the stairs to the first floor and entered the dining room – a large bright room, in the center of which stood a long table, at the head of which was already the head of the family. Seeing his beloved daughter, he affably waved his hand to her.

“Finally, sweetie! I was tired of waiting!”, he announced loudly to emphasize his joy.

Then he nodded to his wife, who meanwhile went to the stove and, putting on kitchen gloves, picked up a large pot, from which thick white steam was pouring out. The girl hesitated on the threshold and looked inquiringly at her daddy, who winked at her reassuringly. Then she came closer to the table and sat down on a chair that stood on the left hand of his hand – which was supposed to symbolize that the daughter is the heart of her father. The mother was already placing deep faience plates on the table, from which came the appetizing smell of Sopa de legumes – lass’ favorite food, which the matriarch of the family usually cooked on holidays.

At the end of these preparations, the woman sat down on the right hand of her husband and they both turned their eyes to the daughter. A happy smile played on her pretty face – little girl, having already forgotten about the lessons, prepared to start the meal. Furrowing his thick brows slightly, the father raised his hand, calling everyone present to attention. The girl and her mother immediately froze in expectant poses, and silence reigned in the dining room. The man looked at his spouse, who, without saying a word, nodded in the affirmative. Then head of household turned his gaze to his daughter, who looked at him with her large innocent eyes, waiting for his words. Coughing into his fist, he collected his thoughts.

“So”, surveying his family with a serious look, he solemnly began. “What should be done before meals?”

He made a short – just eight seconds – pause. Both of his women – one younger, the other older – silently waited for the continuation of his speech.

“Right”, he said, raising his finger. “We need to giving thanks and praise the Lord. For what?”, pausing again, the father looked expectantly at his daughter.

The girl did not take her eyes off her daddy’s face. Her shoulders, hidden under a light brown cardigan, slightly trembling with excitement. She knew full well that this rhetorical question (to which it was forbidden to answer) would now be followed by a long and boring explanation, which she will be obliged to listen with all possible attention, even if she had heard that speech hundreds of thousands of times before. Therefore, the girl resigned herself to the fact that she would have to wait with Sopa de legumes – after all, it was a tradition that she could not and did not want to go against.

“Well, because”, her father began, “if a human takes the gifts of God without gratitude, he is likened to a pig that shamelessly pounces on everything indiscriminately and devours what it thinks is tasty. But we are not pigs!”, at the same time, the father raised his voice a little, “we are humans, we unbecoming to be animals. We must understand who we are and why we came into this world. Humans should know that their every earthly activity is a manifestation of their love for Lord. God was merciful – he sends us food so that our soul can grow in the knowledge of the higher will”.

Head of the family took a breath and in the heat of the moment struck himself with his mighty fist on his broad chest.

“This means, that we should accept the food given to us by the Lord with a sense of gratitude”, he finally finished.

By the end of the speech, the father leaned back in his chair and with interest looked around people sitting around a dinner table. The girl sat with downcast eyes – from the side she seemed calm, but in fact her daddy’s booming and booming voice continued to stand in her ears. The father took his eyes off his daughter and directed him somewhere to the corner of the dining room, where there was a large sideboard, all the shelves of which were lined with rich service. Soon his face took on a peaceful expression, and he again turned his gaze forward.

“Well, let’s get started”, he meant not food, as it might seem, but the short grace that followed his long speech.

With these words, the father lowered his elbows on the table, and his wife also followed suit. The girl raised her head – both parents watched her closely, reproach was read in their eyes. Lass knew perfectly well the reason for their discontent – the tradition of reading a prayer before meals was always strictly observed in their family, and anyone who tried to break this rule had a hard time.

The girl still remembers, once upon a time, when she was just five years old, at dinner, she capriciously told her father that she allegedly forgot the grace’s words – so much she wanted to eat that June day. She didn’t expect at all, that from these words the face of the pope will be filled with blood and distorted in a terrible grimace. Five-year-old girl pretended that his anger passed her attention and began to eat baked potatoes, but the poor little soul did not manage to dine.

In the next second, the father got up from his seat and, stamping his feet loudly, went up to his daughter and forcefully put forward the chair on which she was sitting. This, of course, was followed by the little girl’s cries of displeasure, accompanied by tears, to which the father answered only with furious “You will sleep without supper!”, and then he ordered his wife to take their girl to the bedroom, to which she agreed without further ado – which the daughter regarded as a betrayal.

And since then, every time before a meal, the father said that they need to read a grace, that scene replayed in her head – and she again heard her own weeping, saw her father’s face contorted with anger and her mother’s completely calm and indifferent face… Confused, the girl twitched her whole little body.

“Forgive me”, she whispered softly.

Then, gathering up the courage, she cast a quick glance out the window, beyond which the September sun still shone. A bright light hit her eyes and blinded her for a moment, and the next second the girl raised her hands from under the table, resting her elbows on the white tablecloth. At the same time, the sleeves of her cardigan slid down slightly, revealing to everyone around the pale skin of her delicate forearms. If the sun had not shone so brightly at that moment, then this would probably have passed by the attention of parents, but they could not fail to notice how the glare of the sun fell on her tender hands.

The father immediately looked away so as not to embarrass his daughter and stared at his plate. Mother, on the contrary, could not stand it and furtively glanced at little girl, who, meanwhile, folded her fragile hands in front of her clean face, as if trying to hide the shame that gripped her. In fact, she just began to read the grace, what calmed her daddy, who, out of respect for tradition, did not dare to break the silence, but up to that moment, a slight irritation caused by her slowness and unhurriedness was clearly visible in his eyes.

The girl closed her eyelids and the view of the brightly lit dining room instantly gave way to complete darkness. It seemed to her that for a few moments she was transported into a boundless void, but the quiet whisper of the parents, who had already begun to utter the words of the grace, brought her back to reality. Then lass took a deep breath, concentrated on the pleasant warmth of her palms and, trying not to raise her voice, began to quietly read grace – as she remembered it.

“Come, Lord Jesus…”, she whispered her first words, pronouncing them a little slower than necessary so as not to accidentally make a mistake.

However, while reading a prayer, she had something completely different in her thoughts – girlie imagined that she was seeing ajussi Jo in front of her, with a sad look looking at her from the darkness. His closed lips seemed to ask her some question, and she guessed what he wanted to ask her – she felt what he was feeling now, what desperate pain tormented him.

“As your life?”, the girl turned to him. “I know that you are suffering, and I am not happy here without you either.I understand that from now on we will never be together. But still tell me, where are you now?”. Alas, there was no answer – her adult friend only breathed deeply through clenched teeth from suffering, and tightly pressed to his chest a bouquet of dahlias dried up from time to time, which she loved so much in absentia, never holding them in her hands.

“…be our Guest…”, meanwhile lass did not forget to read grace, sitting at the dinner table with their parents.

“Silence won’t help”, she continued to carry on a dialogue with her friend. “Please understand how hard it is for me, when I don’t understand what’s really going on with you… You are not dead, I know it very well – you were isolated because of me because I broke the rules of this world… But I want to know exactly where you are being hidden from me”. Jo was still silent, but the girl saw how the corners of his mouth drooped sadly and a tear rolled down his unshaven cheek.

“…and let Thy gifts…”, little girl continued to read the prayer, feeling the dryness of her lips. In addition, she felt someone’s eyes on her face, who carefully examined her, but she did not attach any importance to this, because grace required complete concentration.

“It’s no good move on your side”, with some reproach she turned to Jo. “You disappeared so suddenly, that I did not even have time to come to terms with the thought, that now I have to live without your tales, advices and understanding. It’s a pity I didn’t get to know what exactly was the reason that you disappeared. I think stupid adults are to blame here – it was they who made a villain out of you, without even really understanding what you really are… Or maybe they realized how insignificant their knowledge is compared to yours, and they decided to get rid of you”. After these words, girl saw Jo smile weakly and slightly nod in response to her – apparently he was satisfied with what she was talking about, but still not a word escaped his lips.

“…to us be blessed. Amen”, reading the last words of grace, the girl was in no hurry to open her eyes – she wanted to talk a little more with Jo, even if only in her imagination.

“Ah, ajussi Jo”, she said desperately, “Tell me for God’s sake, why did life make me go across the spiral of fate? What did I do to you, why did you leave me all alone, without saying a single word goodbye? And now you’re making me ignorant of your real location? Because if you would only tell me where you are, I immediately calmed my heart and reconciled with your loss”.

Jo kept standing in his place, and the wind ruffled his disheveled hair. The girl noticed how, in response to her words, a guilty expression appeared on his face, which could mean that he is going through an internal struggle – give in to the plea of a young friend or not. “Tell me where are you now, please!”, she asked plaintively. And suddenly Jo swung and with all his might threw in her direction a bouquet of dahlias, who had previously held. Lass stretched her arms forward to catch the flowers, but the next second she felt a hand on her shoulder…