Chapter N.VIII
Vitaly Ivolginsky
Always Visible (Another Prayer for the Dying Horror Genre)
Zero Act — Que Difícil é Ser Escravo de Deus!
Chapter N.VIII
Trying to step as slowly as possible on the red carpet spread between the rows of benches, the girl considered to herself that, translated into plain language, the words of the vicar meant, that he was unable to give Delia advice on how to deal with her situation with ajussi Jo. She regretted that she had not spoken directly to the face of the clergyman a quote from a book that she once read with her adult friend. Although it could be called reading with a big stretch, for the girl just sat there listening to ajussi Jo read aloud to his young listener. Specifically, the quote that Delia considered appropriate in this situation was that a certain sage and doctor asked Lord God to destroy the human race, so that he would create more perfect people, but Lord God replied that although he sympathized with the sage, he could not fulfill his request.
It is possible that in fact the dialogue had a completely different meaning, but the girl could not know this, if only because the contents of this book, ajussi Jo had to translate right on the go, for it was written in the German, of which Delia’s knowledge was very superficial, to say the least. If the girl could find this book in her own language, then she would doubtless have checked with her and told the vicar exactly what was said in the original, but to her greatest regret, she was prevented from finding an English translation of this book as her parents (who seemed to hate everything about ajussi Jo), and the fact that she could not know the exact name – it was difficult for Delia to remember and pronounce the German words, and a approximate translation of “Is Not An Easy, Being A God” would likely do nothing for bored bookstore vendors.
Therefore, Delia silently walked to the exit, bowing her head. She didn’t quote yet because when ajussi Jo finished reading this book, he forbade the girl to quote her right and left. As she thought, the point was that the Lord God described on her pages, was not a gray-haired old person who sat on a cloud and gave orders to angels, but on the contrary, a brave young knight who rode a horse and participated in the squabbles of some medieval town. What’s the harm, Delia thought, presenting Lord God as a tough guy?
She remembered how the book described that this Lord God, who, under the guise of a mere mortal, tried to make this world better than it really is, in his travels he fell in love with a woman, but when she was vilely killed, he became furious and made something like Armageddon, only he was wield not some ridiculous fire balls, but a very real knightly sword made of steel, with which he cut his way through the retinue of the treacherous king, and, reaching the last, ended the end of his tyranny. It all ended with the fact that after this event, God himself was taken away by any once of his friends, with whom, walking through the gardens of Eden, he ate strawberries and jokingly frightened those around him with his palms, which were stained with its juice.
But since ajussi Jo said, that other adults will not appreciate such an interpretation of the Lord God out of the mouths of baby girl, then Delia could only held her tongue and just quietly leave the church, having received from the lips of the vicar an answer that explains nothing how her to deal with the situation, when her parents plotted and kept her friend’s true fate from her.
The memory of the dialogue with the vicar drove Delia into a state close to despair. She took a deep breath, and, straightening her shoulders stiff from the cold, she ran her hand along the cold surface of the window sill. The moon had long been hidden by clouds, and the dampness of the coming bad weather was felt in the night air. The suspicion crept into the girl’s head that it could rain at any moment and she risks getting wet under its jets, but she continued to sit still, throwing a sidelong glance into her room – what if the door opens and her mother or father comes in?
But, much to Delia’s happiness, none of her parents entered her bedroom. It was to her liking – now, more than ever, the girl didn’t want their presence, for she felt an urgent need to forget them and remember her life up to the today’s moment. Calming down, Delia turned her head to the sky and, closing her eyes for a few seconds, tried to put all thoughts of the present out of her mind, so that they do not interfere with focusing on images from the happy moments of her past together with ajussi Jo.
She did not risk getting tired of the painstaking sorting out of her reminiscences and fall into the sleep, because the cold wind blowing from the direction of the forest just did not give her such an opportunity. Unlike New York, where Delia had previously lived with her parents, in Portland there was no need to question the existence of nature around, as often happened to the girl on the streets of the metropolis filled with cars, where any blade of grass, timidly growing in the cracks of the asphalt, seemed to be a symbol of the green world and at the same time the personification of wildlife rolled into one.
Images from her and Jordan’s very last pastime resurfaced in Delia’s mind. It could never be called the date, for in the first place, Delia was too young for that, and secondly, if a date is usually a meeting in private, then this event took place in the company of Jordan’s close friend, whom the girl respected in absentia, but never seen before. In her own imagination, the world around Delia was come back through time.
She herself was not in those events – not in the sense that she was not there physically. On the contrary, Delia was directly involved in those incidents. The thing was that her own visual image was missing in the memories, for such a human has not yet been born who could see himself from the outside, without losing the ability to navigate the world around him and evaluate what is happening from the point of view of the first person.
Visit to Jordan’s friend was an unexpected surprise for little Delia, which was not included in her plans for the evening of that day. Quite the contrary, by this point she had hinted to ajussi Jo several times, that it is time for her to go home to begin her direct duties of preparing for tomorrow’s exam in literature, which all her classmates were waiting with such tension, to say nothing of herself. Her house was very close – literally the next wicket to the right, but Delia couldn’t shake the feeling that if she left her neighbour without asking, she would spoil his mood, which she really did not want at all. So she tried to get Jordan to let her go instead of leaving his house herself.
“Ajussi Jo, I’m begging you!”, she moaned. “I have an important exam at school, I just don’t know how I can pass it…”
But Jordan, as if nothing had happened, continued to sit in his chair, holding an open book in his hands, which he read with some curiosity. Delia realized that her request would go unanswered and decided to persevere. Taking a few steps toward the armchair, she stepped over ajussi Jo’s legs and rested her palms on the green chintz armrests. At that very moment, Jordan slammed the book shut and looked up at her, which passed her attention, because the girl was involuntarily interested in her cover. It was a hardcover pamphlet with the title written in huge white letters on the glossy blue surface.
“The Book of Light”, Delia read with some hesitation, as if tasting the word.
She removed her hands from the armrests and looked inquiringly at Jordan, whose face broke into an enigmatic smile. “Is that my pronunciation make him amuses?” she asked herself, when their eyes met. She felt uncomfortable and looked back at the book. A minute later, ajussi Jo broke the silence.
“Oh, that’s boring”, in an apologetic tone he began, “It’s all about healing and crystals”.
Delia, hearing this definition, barely kept a smile. She always believed that her adult friend was a connoisseur of quality literature, and she was surprised that he allowed himself to read up such a foolish and worthless book. But what to do when there are so many idiots around who are ready to pay for some nonsense that they don’t even understand. From these thoughts, the girl suddenly wanted to death to say something bold and mocking in the direction of the pamphlet, which Jordan, meanwhile, had already placed on the table to his right. Delia spread her elbows wide, put her hands on her hips and squared her shoulders to look as pugnacious as possible.
“And stupid junk!”, she said loudly and articulately, imitating the voice of a literary critic who read his devastating review of the book of whatever graphomaniac.
In fact, Delia was not sure of the need for such an excess – usually she never stooped to such feigned pathos, at least in communication with her parents. But now she felt that in this way she could make some impression on ajussi Jo by proving to him how well she understood the modern literary kitchen. And she was not mistaken – her adult friend looked approvingly at his young friend and nodded his head.
“Trust me, I am in total agreement with you!”, he exclaimed joyfully. “I’m getting sick and tired of this esoteric nonsense. I would never pick up a book like this, if on the street I had not been forced to take it by one whacky. By the way, I was wondering”, suddenly he changed his tone, “why do you think this book is “stupid junk”, as you put it?”
After asking this question, ajussi Jo stared at Delia intently, and it was clear from his serious face that he was waiting for an answer. The girl felt awkward and all her pugnacious exuberance disappeared somewhere. She blushed and lowered her eyes, but Jordan didn’t seem to want to change the subject. He waited for Delia to look up at him again and winked at her.
“Tell me why you didn’t like this book?”, he repeated his question.
Delia realized that it was pointless to keep silent, besides, it was necessary to somehow defuse the tension that had arisen, so she decided to play along with ajussi Jo, and gave him an answer which, she rightly believed, should please him to the core.
“I believe”, Delia said, raising her eyes to the ceiling for a second, “that a human does not benefit from some sort of a pebbles. Crystals can’t help health in any case, it’s complete nonsense!”, she cried out with sudden vehemence.
Her sincere and direct answer seemed to delight ajussi Jo, either way, he smirked and nodded his approval several times. Delia herself experienced a strange feeling – as if she had just delivered a speech to the public, which met her speech with a standing ovation and applause. She straightened her unruly dark hair, straightened her skirt and tried to put on an indifferent expression on her face, in order to somehow hide the confusion that had seized her, but the blush that appeared on her cheeks testified that she was not good at it.
